I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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