you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
