Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
