erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
