Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
