My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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