You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
