I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
