he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
