the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize