This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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