Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want to make out with him forever
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
