his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
