it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize