I can tuck mytits in my pants
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize