How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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