1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
