I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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