omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize