I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
