Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize