Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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