tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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