Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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