Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
