literally had 100 drinks last night.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
