my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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