I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
