thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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