he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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