If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
