But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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