....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
