Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
