i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
