This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
