then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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