She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We need to get me chipped asap
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
