2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
