KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my liver is dry heaving
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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