I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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