his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
