I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
