Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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