Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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