You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
