how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
