I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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