I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
