just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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