someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize