wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
