halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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