Screwed.edu
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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