Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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