he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
