He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
