i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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