Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize