Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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