Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
