You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
