My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
