moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
