oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
