Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Mom said you looked used
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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