i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
